put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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