Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize