your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
