we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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