I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
