We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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