Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
