Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
