she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
