I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
