ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
