He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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