Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
