Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
