I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
