really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
