I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize