The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize