I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
