ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
