you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize