she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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