I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
