absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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