come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
