why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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