I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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