he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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