Someone shit on the floor
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
