I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize