I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
