I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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