I want to make a zoo with you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
