omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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