We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
