In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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