Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
