their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
