Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
