are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize