Porn is love you can see.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
