to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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