Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
