dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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