Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
