If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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