She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
