I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
