hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
