Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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