Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I deserve this hangover.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
