Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
