Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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