highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
