there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nutella sex= disaster
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
