I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
