i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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