If i could tip my vagina, i would.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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