I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
