are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
