God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
