i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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