I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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