I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
