i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
