cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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