Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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